I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
