When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
