he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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