At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
