I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
