Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
