North Korea, Best Korea!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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