best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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