glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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