Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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