dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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