Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
