Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
