Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
