What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize