you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
