you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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