it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
