break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
