how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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