not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
