I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
