Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
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When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
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I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
why is half of my head shaved?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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