my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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