here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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