I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
