Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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