your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
