i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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