I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
