I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
