Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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