is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
