we have officially mastered the walk of shame
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
