Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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