Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I don't think brook has ever known best
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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