We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
