You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
