I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
