I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
