So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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