party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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