Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
