She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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