Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
