my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
