I must be too annoying 4 u.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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