Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
