oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Only a mothe r could love this liver
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
BRING THE BAGELS
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
