Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
