i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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