absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
