Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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