I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
