the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
