My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
