the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize