Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
