So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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