i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
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The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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