Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
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Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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