accomplished twins. life is a go
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
