Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
