i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
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i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
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My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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