I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
