so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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